Charlie Sheen has never been able to overcome Adversity

I am no stranger to adversity. I am no stranger to addiction. I am also no stranger to overcoming BOTH. Looking back, which I often do to keep my ego in check, I have to be completely honest with myself about getting loaded. Simply put, I loved it. And if someone could tell me and prove to me that doing drugs, drinking and smoking were going to improve my behavior, make my life better, improve my relationships, my job performance, increase respect from my peers and strengthen my spiritual condition, I might change my mind about using. Yes, if drug abuse, alcohol addiction and all that goes with it would increase the quality of my life, I would be the first in line ready to indulge. But the reality is that my life, my health, my behavior, my relationships, respect from my peers, my job, my spiritual condition and most of all my own self-respect would all deteriorate if I was a casual drug user and alcohol drinker. Been there, done that. Learned that lesson, THE HARD WAY. The only thing worse than having to learn these things the hard way is having to learn them the hard way TWICE or even worse; more than twice, like Charlie Sheen.

Charlie Sheen's reality is clouded by adversity and addiction, where he simply cannot see that he has been going too far, for too long and the lifestyle of addiction has him down for the count…and I hope that this is only for now.

Right now I see him as someone who has lost his way and I pray he will find it again some day. When you lose the respect for all you have tried to aspire to be, insult your own audience, your own boss and co-workers, your family and friends, come out swinging with self-entitlement, bias and hatred against everything and anything like Charlie Sheen has, we can’t help but wonder how is this all going to end or continue? Been there. Done that. It’s not an easy fix.

Charlie Sheen’s condemnation of A.A. is par for the course. It is often said that the arguments against A.A. are better than the ones for it. After 12 years of my own sobriety, I have learned people still attend A.A. in record numbers and listen to the stories of those who have found success in recovery. And yes, there are always new faces.

And then, to my amazement there was the ultimate faux pas by Dr. Drew Pinski when he said on TMZ that Charlie Sheen is “right” about the 5% success rate of A.A. It’s true, not many people make it in A.A., but to hear Dr. Drew validate this fact by telling an out of control addict he is right, has a negative impact. Where does Dr. Drew send his patients after they leave the Pasadena Recovery Center? I respect Dr. Drew for his dedication to recovery, but in this case I don’t think the message he was sending was appropriate.

Most who walk through the doors of A.A. do not understand the meaning and lessons of the 12 Steps. I too have found them difficult to grasp, but after a while understood what they were designed to do. A.A. is not perfect. No recovery program is. Addiction is a very powerful thing, just ask the loved ones of those who have been through it. People are not perfect. So with a powerful force like addiction, and imperfect people, one is simply not going to find a perfect program. But, for those who work it, it does work, and it does work wonders--rather than listen to Charlie Sheen, or validate him, why not ask someone with, say, five or more years sobriety who has been through the program and does find it nothing less than a lifesaver?

A.A.’s message of recovery will live on and people will keep going back to A.A. to search for the self he or she wishes to reclaim. After all, it’s a personal journey. Yet, getting down on your knees and asking God to remove your shortcomings is not the kind of hope most seeking recovery are looking for. Admitting we are powerless over addiction and can no longer manage our lives is also something we are not comfortable with in early recovery. No one wants to be rendered “damaged goods”, useless or incomplete. Been there. Done that. - But we have to start somewhere if we want our life back and we must surrender at least the part of ourselves that we are fighting, the part that is destroying us with addiction. We must change our way of thinking; we have no choice if we want to live a long and healthy life.

Charlie Sheen is now burning his bridges in front of him, before he can cross them. The signs are not good for progress and the example he is setting for other young people is abominable. He is not alone in his pain, he chooses to be. He sees the world as he wants it to be and setting a good example seems to be a boring notion.

One thing is for sure, recovery is anything but boring and it can be as liberating as we want it to be. Hey, life’s what you make it! So what’s next for Charlie Sheen? Hopefully a brand new, healthy start that begins with an apology to his audience. An apology to those who are getting sober in A.A. and are holding on for dear life while struggling to make ends meet. A reality check on how many Americans who used to watch “Two and a Half Men” are frustrated because they can’t find work and have trouble putting food on the table while Charlie Sheen, a millionaire, is on the radio putting the less fortunate down. Most Americans who do have jobs would get fired if he or she acted out even one episode of trouble we’ve been hearing about from Charlie Sheen over the last ten years.

It’s time for an apology. It’s time to deal with the adversity and start clearing the path for a new and better life that is filled with good health and real independent self-love. Charlie Sheen, I wish you this the most as I do for every addict who has lost his or her way.

Alexandra Datig, Sober 12 Years

EMINEM knows being sober is WORTH IT!

EMINEM has just won a Grammy for his album "Recovery", an album about addiction. A HUGE victory in the fight against addiction and proof that getting sober is WORTH IT!

Charlie Sheen: Getting Sober is not easy

Charlie Sheen decided to rehabilitate his addictions from his home. This is either a bad idea of someone who doesn’t understand recovery fully, or Charlie doesn’t think he’s got that bad a problem and getting sober at home won’t be a big deal. As they say in recovery, it’s for those who want it, not for those who need it.

Going back home has its problems and it is not the best place to start over. As a matter of fact, in Charlie’s case, it’s probably the worst. Reminders are everywhere, party friends stop by, the phone book filled with temptations is right at ones fingertips and the home likely has a full liquor closet and maybe some drug paraphernalia squirreled away somewhere (probably with something in it). In other words, the social triggers are everywhere and that is the worst environment for someone who is serious about getting sober.

Chances are when a hardcore addict like Charlie Sheen (I’m not pointing fingers here, I was one too) gets confronted with getting clean; his attitude about it is that everyone else has the problem, not him. That’s not unusual, it is how we respond to those who want to change us. Looking at it from the addict’s perspective, Sheen is having the time of his life, making a fortune, living a quality of life most could only dream of and most importantly, he sees the world through the eyes of a addict. That means he can’t really feel what he is doing to himself and enjoys it. That is until he has to come down from using. Then the pain starts.

There is a reason why addicts go to 90 meetings in the first 90 days, are asked not to be in a romantic relationship in the first year, are asked to live in a home free from intoxicants and are asked to have a sponsor to talk to several times a day. It’s what keeps you sober. The reason is also that we go through a lot of pain. Let me be clear, A LOT. This pain is our body trying to feel something again because through the addiction, we have not allowed our body to feel anything real for so long that now we realize what our addiction has done to us. Many of us cannot deal with the pain in the beginning and we relapse so we don’t have to deal with these feelings. At this point, we can only hope Charlie will learn to make the right decisions for his life.

Charlie Sheen: Dr. Drew Pinski calls for quick trunaround

Dr. Drew Pinski is candid and right. He addresses the fact that Charlie Sheen is a known addict and has been for some time. One question Dr. Drew did not address is that drug dealers and other forms of procurers know Sheen is an addict and yet, they still furnish drugs to him. Unless we create a law that punishes those who give drugs to a known addict, we will always be risking the lives of addicts who don't know how to ask for help.

Will Charlie Sheen be alive five years from now?

Let's be clear about it. Charlie Sheen’s behavior and example to those who admire him and want to emulate him is a disgrace. I am a fan of the show “Two and a Half Men” but we should no longer be willing to be entertained if what we are watching is an addict who has scripted his life so he can destroy it.

The world has watched as celebrities like Elvis Presley, Kurt Cobain, Heath Ledger, Anna Nicole Smith and many others have lost their battle with addiction for the sake of “entertainment.” Right before our eyes, in this very moment, we are watching a beloved and talented actor spiral further out of control. Charlie Sheen has been loosing the battle against addiction for years and his condition is far worse than what many may realize. If Charlie continues on his self-destructive mission of cocaine-induced binges and psychotic drug swamped episodes with porn stars and prostitutes, he will face a certain death or a long-term commitment into a mental institution.

If there is a likely comparison to Sheen’s example, it would be that of former Hollywood producer Don Simpson who died in 1996 at the hands of an addiction so vicious, toxicology reports showed he died from a lethal, accidental drug overdose with a cocktail of 20 prescription dugs in his system. Simpson, like Sheen had plenty of money to pay anyone to furnish him anything he craved. Like Sheen, Simpson took it to the extreme with 3-day porn star and prostitute drug binges that corrupted and twisted his addiction into sexual obsession far beyond what one could imagine. Simpson controlled everyone around him with money to further his self-destructive pathological lies and self-destruction. For Simpson, like for Sheen, the truth was what he wanted it to be, regardless of how detached it was from reality. He could afford to pay for the silence of those who knew too much and he could hire dangerous henchmen like Anthony Pelicano to intimidate those who would try to stop him.

Sheen and Simpson are similar in many ways. For now, the only certain difference is that Sheen is alive and Simpson is not. But that too may change if no one heeds the warning of the events of the past three months. Good looks, talent, power, money and audiences begging for more, keep the destruction going. Sheen, who has unlimited funds to feed any desire and so much popularity and women throwing themselves at him, has taken full advantage of his privileges. If he is to be saved, he must be taken away from the life he knows so he can learn how to live without drugs. He must accept that he is a father to his children, not a 13-year old who just discovered puberty.

In the last three months, Sheen has taken it to another level. While Sheen has made it part of his marketing campaign to sell himself as a bad boy, what he has really done is script his addiction and made us all worry that he is going to die. Charlie Sheen, where will you be five years from now?

Dr. Phil: Keep up the GOOD work!

Recently we learned that a homeless man named Ted Williams exploded into fame due to the sound of what is called his golden voice. He stood on the side of a street wearing a camouflaged Army jacket holding a sign, while he was video taped by a passer by. He gave a pitch of his radio voice to the passer by and we can all imagine that he probably never dreamed of what would happen next and how fast. Later the video went viral and soon the entire country knew Ted Williams as “The Man with the Golden Voice.”

Williams who is truly gifted, was given opportunities to step into a career in broadcasting and things moved very quickly. About two weeks into his new-found fame there were news reports of his having a rap sheet for various crimes, casting a shadow over Williams.

Yet Williams remained optimistic and kept on going with his new-found fame. Fast forward to a sudden altercation with a loved one which lead to police having to show up at his hotel room and detaining Williams and his daughter, who during an argument had thrown an ice bucket a Williams head.

After Williams release from the police station the news reported Dr. Phil had stepped in to aid Williams with his dispute and other family problems. Dr. Phil also took it upon himself to help Williams with alcohol and drug abuse issues.

Today we have learned that Williams has checked into rehab. Dr. Phil is truly a good Samaritan for helping Williams and Williams should thank his lucky stars for this intervention. Too often do we see people striking it rich in Hollywood, not understanding that they have been given a voice with which they can do a lot of good and then they chose not to. Dr. Phil may have very well saved the life of Ted Williams.

There is something however with which I take issue. Getting a start in recovery by being exploited by major media as an addict who ”lies every time his lips are moving” as Dr. Phil expressed in last night’s show, is not and should not be part of the message in recovery. Shaming an addict is not what an addict needs to find recovery. Addicts know that lies are part of addiction and it is up to the addict to admit this if he or she is going to grow out of addiction. Addicts being prodded into a solution that “sounds good” is not progress. Regardless of positive events in life, for many addicts that state of hopelessness is difficult to overcome and it does take time.

In recovery as in addiction, we are not oblivious to what we have done to ourselves. After all, we were not born imbedded with the deceptive ways of addiction. These behaviors have befallen upon us through addiction itself. When addiction leads to homelessness it is extremely devastating. Hope is lost and it is hard to imagine for it to ever return.

There is no doubt in my mind that Williams held on to his dream and had a vision for what he would like to become one day. He probably never envisioned that it would happen for him in the way that it did. He should be able to heal from his addiction and learn the new required skills to live a meaningful life that is healthy, loving, productive and without the toxic influence of people who help drive the addiction.

Shaming an addict who has found new hope and wants to recover is like betting on the inevitability for that addict to relapse. Therefor we must be careful and mindful.

God speed to you Ted Williams! Take it one day at a time and remember if it doesn’t feel good, you’re not doing it right.

Dr. Phil, please keep up the GOOD work!

Alexandra Datig, Sober 12 Years

Howard K. Stren is a Free Man: Now what?

Though I understand the D.A. and the former Attorney General’s reason for wanting to prosecute and applaud them for sending the message that what happened to Anna Nicole will not be tolerated, I agree with the Judge on Howard K. Stern. Stern is extremely lucky to be a free man after what happened to Anna Nicole.

At the same time Stern was also using, which from the footage I saw on TV was quite evident. The bottom line is however, Anna Nicole was not forced to use drugs; she made the choice.

To say that Stern exclusively furnished drugs to Anna with the intent to feed an addiction was difficult for me to fathom. In my observation, he and Anna appeared codependent when it came to drug use. It has been documented that Anna had been exposed to potent intoxicants long before she met Howard K. Stern. There is no question that Stern could not have foreseen the early consequences resulting in Anna’s death.

At the same time, help is for those who want it, for those who are ready for it, not for those who “need it.” Though there are some addicts who are too far into their addiction to see what they have done to the world around them (like I was) and need help, they cannot be helped, they can only be shown the way. Sometimes that means 5150 involuntary holds, sometimes that means jail, sometimes it means that something incredibly horrific must happen before we have that psychic shift to change.

Wouldn’t it be nice if we got better at recognizing a problem and doing something about it that promotes for the problem to stop at a pace that is healthy and acceptable?

The doctors in the case acted against what is legally, ethically and morally right. Doctors take an oath to do no harm. The doctors should not be allowed to continue to prescribe addictive drugs unless and until a special course is completed regarding the dangers in furnishing drugs to a known addict.

Once bitten, twice shy. If these doctors were in my jurisdiction there would be a two-year course, with a grade requirement after which there would be an assessment as to whether there is competency to continue to practice medicine.

As for Anna Nicole, she has lost her ability to get a second chance at life. It is a tragic ending of a woman who wanted a better life and didn’t know anymore how to hold on to what was real. I will miss her.

As for Howard K. Stern, my advice is for him to start helping people who are hopelessly lost in addiction so we can start preventing what happened to Anna.

Rave Parties: A Magnet for Drug Use

Today The Los Angeles Times reports that 17 people got injured at last night's New Years Eve rave party where 26,000 young men and women were in attendance. Reports showed that out of the more than 60 injuries sustained at the party, the 17 cases hospitalized were drug and alcohol related. Recently we got a face-to-face look at the serious damage raves can do to people because they have a stigma for drug use:

Hot Seat Debate: Coliseum Rave Ban Ends: MyFoxLA.com

CONGRATULATIONS FOR KICKING THE HABIT PRESIDENT OBAMA! Quitting smoking is not easy!

CONGRATULATIONS FOR KICKING THE HABIT PRESIDENT OBAMA! Your smile will get brighter and brighter every day! Quitting smoking is not easy!

I learned how to smoke from Tatum O’Neal’s role in the movie “Paper Moon.” I was nine years old when I saw the movie and seeing a little girl smoke made me think it was okay for me too. Be careful what you wish for! I had my smoking habit for almost 20 years. When it was time for me to quit, I had to quit a lot of things. There were the bad things, like hard drugs and alcohol and there were the things that I deemed “bad but not as bad” like marijuana and tobacco. In recovery we have to make some serious choices, one is figuring our what our primary addiction is. Even though the hard drugs were destroying my life, my primary addiction was actually cigarettes, alcohol and pot but not always in that order when it came to alcohol and pot at least.

More than anything I figured out after a while, cigarettes were absolutely my primary addiction. They taught me a lot of “learned behavior” like how to look good smoking while drinking. How to make a joint look like a cigarette and tacky stuff like that. I didn’t realize the seriousness of my addiction to cigarettes until I read a book from “Smoke Enders.” From this book I leaned how entangled I really was in my addiction to cigarettes. I had all kinds of lifestyle habits like the car would not start unless I had a cigarette in my mouth or what was the point in making a phone call if I didn’t have a half full pack of smokes sitting next to the phone with an ashtray. I couldn’t stand people who didn’t smoke and preferred friends who did. After a while (like 15 years of smoking) I developed real anger and anxiety when people pointed out I should not smoke or if I ran out of cigarettes. But nothing made me more angry than quitting smoking cigarettes.

My habit was tangled into drinking coffee because cigarettes and coffee were much more compatible than cigarettes and orange juice. It was not a matter of what tasted good, but of what was compatible to smoking and this included perfumes and even laundry detergent as well as air freshener. I also supplemented smoking with meals to control my weight. I thought of food and smoked a cigarette instead of getting a healthy meal in my system.

Quitting was hell on wheels. The misery I felt the first two days quitting cold turkey is hard to describe. It was like wearing a tight belt around my waist day and night for 48 hours straight and no matter how much it bothered me I could not remove it (unless I smoked). I always say, if you can make it past the first two days, you can make it past the first two weeks and go from there.

Quitting smoking is not as hard as quitting hard drugs, but it is psychological crazy-making in the beginning. Getting away from nicotine is great but the one thing we have to realize is that we have a whole lot of time for filling in the blanks where we thought of smoking before. We have to make room for new thoughts and new things to do so we don’t run idle. No more offensive odors in the hair, on the clothes, in the car, on my breath. Running actually feels good, though I do have decreased lung capacity from smoking. For me it’s never again. I hope President Obama stays on the right track. If I can offer a little advice: Always keep in mind that there is no such thing as “a reason to smoke.” God speed Mr. President!

Al Pacino, Sober...I think?

He sounds sober, but he says he doesn't want to be, yet he seems to be. Or his he?

One way to know if you're on the right path to recovery is to talk about being sober. If you talk about it long enough your brain will go "hey! I'm supposed to do this, not just talk about it."

In this interview with Larry King, Al Pacino sets a good example of how to talk yourself into being sober. Wishing you the best Al!