While legendary Jazz and Blues singer Etta James who passed away today at the age of 73, did not die from addiction, she struggled with an eating disorder, heroin, cocaine and prescription drug abuse for many years of her life. According to the Associated Press, Etta James addictions began in the 1960’s and lasted till 1984. Etta took her recovery all the way and made some more drastic changes with a gastric bypass surgery to combat a 400-pound weight issue. Addiction could not keep the soulful blues singer from gracing audiences with her beautiful voice. We have all been touched by her message. R.I.P. Etta James, you made our life like a song by giving us the blessing of the passion in your music and words we will remember forever.
Friday, January 20, 2012
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Drug Free World: Substance & Alcohol Abuse, Education & Prevention
Drug Free World is a great resource for real testimony on the consequences of drug abuse. DFW offers a large variety tastefully designed materials, including DVDs, for schools, home and community. Check out DFW. Their materials are comprehensive and easy to understand.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
January is Human Trafficking and Slavery Awareness Month:
Human trafficking and prostitution are one and the same and both are crimes against humanity and the absence of all we know to be decent and dignified. Getting caught in the middle of this cruel and brutal “industry” takes away a human beings sense of self and casts a dark shadow over every dream once thought possible. Getting out may take years and forgetting the horrors lasts a lifetime. Human worth is worthless and the soul is violently crushed by each encounter. Drugs and drug abuse are demanded and are part of “the job”, making human trafficking and prostitution of one the most powerful and evil engines, driving not only drug addiction, but also drug trafficking, human rights abuses and the devastating consequences connected to it.
Melissa Farley, Ph.D. - According to U.N. estimates, approximately 2.5 million people are being trafficked around the world at any given time, 80% of them women and children. Conservative estimates suggest that the sex industry generates some $32 billion annually. However, estimates of income generated from prostitution in one city, Las Vegas, are as high as $5 billion. Today, sex trafficking is a high-tech, globalized, electronic market, and predators are involved at all levels, using the same methods to control prostituted women that batterers use against their victims: minimization and denial of physical violence, economic exploitation, social isolation, verbal abuse, threats and intimidation, physical violence, sexual assault, and captivity. Despite the illogical attempt of some to distinguish prostitution from trafficking, trafficking is simply the global form of prostitution. Sex trafficking may occur within or across international borders, thus women may be either domestically or internationally trafficked or both. Young women are trafficked for sexual use from the countryside to the city, from one part of town to another, and across international borders to wherever there are men who will buy them.
Prostitution is widely socially tolerated, with the buyers socially invisible. Even today, many mistakenly assume that prostitution is sex, rather than sexual violence, and a vocational choice, rather than a human rights abuse. Although clinicians are beginning to recognize the overwhelming physical violence in prostitution, its internal ravages are still not well understood. There has been far more clinical attention paid to sexually transmitted diseases among those prostituted than to their depressions, lethal suicidality, mood disorders, anxiety disorders (including post-traumatic stress disorder) dissociative disorders, substance abuse, and traumatic brain injury. Regardless of its legal status or its physical location, prostitution is extremely dangerous for women. Homicide is a frequent cause of death.
Prostitution is an institution akin to slavery, one so intrinsically discriminatory and abusive that it cannot be fixed--only abolished. At the same time, its root causes must be eradicated as well: sex inequality, racism and colonialism, poverty, prostitution tourism, and economic development that destroys traditional ways of living. The conditions that make genuine consent possible are absent from prostitution: physical safety, equal power with johns and pimps, and real alternatives. It is a cruel lie to suggest that decriminalization or legalization will protect anyone in prostitution. Until it is understood that prostitution and trafficking can appear voluntary but are not in reality free choices made from a range of options, it will be difficult to garner adequate support to assist those who wish to escape but have no other choices. Enforcement of international agreements challenging trafficking and prostitution can aid in this effort as can laws challenging men’s purchase of sex.
It is important to address men’s demand for prostitution. Acceptance of prostitution is one of a cluster of harmful attitudes that encourage and justify violence against women. Violent behaviors against women have been associated with attitudes that promote men’s beliefs that they are entitled to sexual access to women, that they are superior to women and that they are licensed as sexual aggressors. Those concerned with human rights must address the social invisibility of prostitution, the massive denial regarding its harms, its normalization as an inevitable social evil, and the failure to educate students in the mental health and public health professions. Trafficking and prostitution can only exist in an atmosphere of public, professional and academic indifference.
Source: www.prostitutionresearch.com
Monday, January 16, 2012
Why Community Based 12-Step Programs Fail
I am one of those few people who got sober through a community based 12-Step program which has a success rate between 3%-7%. Just getting sober is hard enough and when taking the community based approach the caveats and labels are endless. Over the last few years I have been doing a lot of complaining about the rate of successes and failures of the 12-Step approach to recovery at the community level. I am not alone. I have felt this way about the 12-Step program for a long time and would like to point out some specifics about this. First, I need to be absolutely clear about the fact that I truly believe the 12-Step approach does have effective tools for people in early sobriety. However, as people earn more time in recovery they often find out far too late, after he or she relapses, that the 12 Steps that get people sober, do not keep them there. Over the years, as research on substance related disorders and recovery have gained ground, we are learning that people are dying at a far more rapid rate from relapse when compared to first-time use. For this reason it is even more critical that community based 12-Step programs are better evaluated.
Friends and family who watch an addict destroy his or her life feel tremendous relief when their friend or loved one who had almost succumbed to drug abuse finally enters the rooms of recovery. The hope is often short lived however because many who seek recovery who enter these rooms, quickly realize that everyone in these rooms is looking for the same answers and that they are all extremely desperate. While some of the real answers lie in the program of the 12 Steps, this is often not realized. The 12-Step approach has gotten a limited number of people long term recovery and for many who cannot afford to look deeper into his or her own recovery, getting real help is an impossible and financially unattainable dream.
Getting right down to the bottom of it however, when I was a newcomer in a community-based 12-Step program, I really found that I was victimized by a lot of people and found the program to be predatory, sexist and abusive to women of all ages. Sitting in women’s meetings and reading outdated text materials where every action and inaction was written in the masculine form was and is really quite offensive and of little help to any woman suffering from addiction, which also causes depression among other serious conditions.
It amazes me how a 501(c3) like Alcoholics Anonymous, which is tax exempt, cannot afford to, or will not properly edit material that is suitable and relates to the sensitivities of today’s reading audience, both male and female. The fact of the matter is that the basic text of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous has not changed since 1934, which was written during alcohol prohibition, which began January 6th, 1920 (18th Amendment) and ended December 5th, 1933 (21st Amendment). It would certainly be reasonable to believe that anonymity (A.A.’s 11th Tradition) was a probably a good position to take during prohibition. However, these days talking about alcoholism or addiction openly, without rendering a person “hopeless” and damaged goods, is becoming a far more preferred trend because the public is beginning to see that real help is only for those who can afford it. Therefore, if we are going to help everyone, a more open and honest dialogue about the real causes of addiction is a path we must take.
There is an extremely dictatorial tone within the rooms of 12 Step meetings. Members request, even demand that a newcomer get a sponsor, yet among all the “approved literature” there is only a small pamphlet and no comprehensive book specifically geared towards sponsorship. Sponsorship is a serious responsibility and can be a real liability where freely handing out advice on how a person should manage his or her life is risky business. Too risky for A.A. it seems. Sponsee and sponsor relationships have unwritten mandates, accompanied by absurd rules that conflict with the personal decision making process of rational people who know they want recovery.
I remember falling for this idea in my first year of recovery and ending up getting “advice” from a mentally disturbed women who spoke in riddles and of her collection of angel figurines. She wanted to make pasta formed like angels for us while explaining to me how to live a sober life. She often mentioned how little money she had which made me feel sorry for her and so I even gave her money, something I later found out was against the unwritten rules of which there were many. She kept baiting me in with "more will later be revealed" which was spellbinding. My so-called sponsor also called my residence at seven in the morning, demanding from my then fiancé that I get on the phone because I must be going to a meeting right away. She harassed him right out of my life, telling him he was a negative influence on me and telling me if I stayed with him I would drink again. Me being new and extremely gullible, I believed every word and my engagement ended up in a “War of the Roses” style break up.
The fear and scare tactics of “if you don’t wear your hair up, you’ll drink again. You should not be in a relationship in your first year.” Or “if you don’t clean dirty coffee pots and get a commitment, you won’t stay sober” made little sense to me. But I “took direction” and “abandoned myself” as I was told, did just about everything I was asked to do, abandoning my life, passions, a real job with real responsibilities, all to appease my various sponsors which I eventually all fired.
Then I read the book that made me see things differently. It was written by a guy named Chuck C. and it’s title was “A New Pair of Glasses.” This book was about self-sponsorship and that is what I ended up perusing and it has served me well so far as I have never relapsed. From exploring other areas of self-help, I learned that if I don’t expand my knowledge on recovery beyond the rooms of 12 Steps meetings, I would be stuck forever serving an establishment that offers little hope in a big city like Los Angeles. Rather than spend all my time sitting in wobbly chairs that hurt my back, in dirty rooms, day in and day out, waiting to help someone, I decided to help myself and get a real job, a career, and go back to school to earn an undergraduate degree. It made me realize that my true mission in life is like anyone else’s. To become a dignified, useful member of society and help solve problems by applying valuable skills, while exercising compassion and understanding for my fellow man and woman.
We should be cautious to accelerate anyone into a program of recovery too quickly by making him or her learn faster than they can process the information. Getting toxins out of the body is a very unpleasant experience as it is and the force-feeding of categorical and God forbid unrealistic demands can do more harm than good. It is my true belief that recovery should be governed by the mental health profession because the way community based 12-Step is handled, better compares to inmates running the asylum rather than a place where people can get real help. I do believe that within the 12 Steps, there is a program there somewhere that can work for all people who would like to live by structured principles of recovery. However, for the most part, the 12-Steps need to be brought into the 21st Century. Some reputable recovery organizations like the Hazelden Foundation have helpful literature taking the 12-Steps to a new, more 21st Century friendly audience. Hazelden Press has a book on how to be a sponsor that in my view should be in every 12-Step meeting anywhere and anyone who is a sponsor should have at least five to ten years in recovery and be certified, having taken at least one semester in psychology on substance related disorders.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
New Year’s Resolution: Stay sober and go where the love is
A special note to my readers: A great blessing, just in time for my 13th sober birthday which is on New Year's Eve. "Five Years From Now" recovery blog and website was covered on our nation's 6th largest radio show today; Bill Bennett's Morning in America, hosted by Mr. Bennett's Co-Host and my dear friend Seth Leibsohn. I am so very very honored to have been able to be a guest on this wonderful show. Here's the link for today's show.
Almost 13 years ago (It’ll be 13 years on New Year’s Eve), before I got sober, I struggled for years trying to see if people would accept me and love me as an addict. Couldn’t they see that I was still a “nice person” even though I used drugs? Couldn’t they accept me, hire me, be my friend, my neighbor, my teacher, a loving family member, even if I was on drugs? Why not? I kept asking myself, while looking in the mirror seeing a person I could hardly recognize. After all, I kept telling myself, I wasn’t really hurting anyone but myself? And I could manage that part…right? So I thought and thought so very wrong.
As the years in recovery go by I learned that when a member of the family is addicted to drugs the whole family is affected. When a student is on drugs the entire school develops a negative stigma. When a worker is under the influence of drugs or alcohol, he or she gets frowned upon and pushed out. Relationships suffer and get destroyed, promises are often broken and commitments turn into empty words. The addict becomes a victim of many crimes and also one who is not in good standing with the law. This is a very sad reality but it is reality and just like addiction, if we want to change this reality, we fist have to accept that this is reality. It’s not a matter of whether a drug is legal or illegal, all drugs should be controlled and bad drugs should be illegal. We can’t deny the fact that drug addiction destroys human health and wellbeing sometimes over time, sometimes right away and sometimes forever.
I wanted to go where the love is, yet I had no direction on where to find it. Why? Because I was trying to find love in others instead of myself! Duh! I would later learn in sobriety that love would only find me if I did the work I needed and took the time I needed to love myself. For me this was a very tall order because I wasted so much time drinking and using drugs that taking care of loving myself was the last thing on my mind.
In the journey of my recovery I have found that self-love is a series of daily adjustments. They start with putting my attitude in check and continue with making sure that I recognize the blessings of my environment and the people who try to help me. My blessings are my sobriety, good health, relationships and ability to better myself and become more productive as a contributing member of my community. I give back what I receive, directly or indirectly, in a big way or a small way with dignity. It is also my responsibility to make sure that I am perceived in a way that is healthy for me. To do this I choose to tell everyone in my life that I am sober. It works for me and has kept me sober for many years.
Those who freely make a difference for people in recovery are the most magnificent human beings in the world. These people do things for us recovering folks that at one time or another we truly cannot do for ourselves. Sometimes those people help us and become our friend for life. Other times they help us and are burdened by us, yet they still care enough to find empathy and compassion in their hearts to understand that without the help and understanding of others we remain lost in our pain. We must always remember that the people who help us deserve praise for their kindnesses, though near or far. We praise them each day by staying sober and show them that they are our heroes and cheerleaders. Today, I thank all my heroes and cheerleaders for leading me to my 13th year in recovery. You are the true winners who shine a bright light on my path each day!
Alexandra
Monday, December 12, 2011
Lindsay Lohan: Beautiful Woman, Extraordinary Talent, Horrific Personal Struggle
By Alexandra Datig
Lindsay Lohan grew up in the spotlight. From “Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen” to “Mean Girls” to “Chapter 27” Lindsay Lohan has made us all recognize that she has a will to succeed. But Lindsay has had struggles finding someone in her life who she could believe in that would show her good example. A conflict between parents, a teenage drinking problem, a series of drug arrests and courtroom drama that seems endless, has shown how Lindsay’s personal life is spiraling out of control.
At the age of 25, life begins to change for many young women. Lindsay has reached an age where she must recognize that she either grows up and begins to take responsibility for her life, or the heartbreak will keep on coming. In recovery it’s called “incomprehensible demoralization.” When Paris Hilton had all her troubles, she too was in her mid 20’s, though neither Paris nor Lindsay actually understand that younger women who plan to become “just like them” are idolizing and modeling their behavior.
We see Lindsay smoking just about everywhere she goes. We see her falling down and making a fool of herself and even more so we often see Lindsay alone. Yet we don’t ask her why she believes that her “I’m going to do what ever I want” attitude isn't hurting others. Still, Lindsay is pushing all the extremes. From breaking her probation, to being sent to the morgue, to a Marylyn Monroe-esque Playboy shoot, what are other young women and men supposed to make of Lindsay Lohan? Is she saying “look only at the part of me which is okay“, pointing to her outer undeniable beauty? But if we look at her behavior and her decisions over the last few years, it seems there are more reactions than actions to her life. This is a certain sign of unhappiness and a dangerous place for an addict.
Addiction is a complex and incredibly stressful thing, where the central nervous system’s ability to send a calming response to CNS receptors is impaired. While in it’s active state, addiction is a confrontational fiend. It is a disease of betrayal, provocation, hostile retaliation, of emotional highs and lows as well as a constant need to prove that “we are a better person than the rest of those who are watching.” Lindsay is portraying a type of martyrdom and quite frankly (and I never thought I’d say this), Playboy Magazine is doing far more for Lindsay than Lindsay is doing for Playboy. The images are certainly a step up from the blood dripping, knife wielding pics from earlier this year.
Lindsay is at a crossroads in her life and perhaps Playboy has put a fork in the road. Is she going to follow the path of Anna Nicole Smith, whose reactive, addictive life lead her to an early death? Or is Lindsay Lohan going to grow?
I for one just want to ask Lindsay to take the opportunity and think about other young women who are not riding high on fame but are going through similar problems as Lindsay’s run-ins with the law. We have heard Lindsay say for moths now, that she has to change and do more and learn form her mistakes. Woman to woman Lindsay, cause I've been there and done that, the world may seem like it revolves around you, but it does not. If you want to destroy your life, that is your business, but please, if you continue on your destructive path, get out of the spotlight because you are hurting the self-image of at-risk young women and men! It is time for you to see the writing on the wall. Do something good with your life and give yourself a chance and stop being so selfish.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
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