I am no stranger to adversity. I am no stranger to addiction. I am also no stranger to overcoming BOTH. Looking back, which I often do to keep my ego in check, I have to be completely honest with myself about getting loaded. Simply put, I loved it. And if someone could tell me and prove to me that doing drugs, drinking and smoking were going to improve my behavior, make my life better, improve my relationships, my job performance, increase respect from my peers and strengthen my spiritual condition, I might change my mind about using. Yes, if drug abuse, alcohol addiction and all that goes with it would increase the quality of my life, I would be the first in line ready to indulge. But the reality is that my life, my health, my behavior, my relationships, respect from my peers, my job, my spiritual condition and most of all my own self-respect would all deteriorate if I was a casual drug user and alcohol drinker. Been there, done that. Learned that lesson, THE HARD WAY. The only thing worse than having to learn these things the hard way is having to learn them the hard way TWICE or even worse; more than twice, like Charlie Sheen.
Charlie Sheen's reality is clouded by adversity and addiction, where he simply cannot see that he has been going too far, for too long and the lifestyle of addiction has him down for the count…and I hope that this is only for now.
Right now I see him as someone who has lost his way and I pray he will find it again some day. When you lose the respect for all you have tried to aspire to be, insult your own audience, your own boss and co-workers, your family and friends, come out swinging with self-entitlement, bias and hatred against everything and anything like Charlie Sheen has, we can’t help but wonder how is this all going to end or continue? Been there. Done that. It’s not an easy fix.
Charlie Sheen’s condemnation of A.A. is par for the course. It is often said that the arguments against A.A. are better than the ones for it. After 12 years of my own sobriety, I have learned people still attend A.A. in record numbers and listen to the stories of those who have found success in recovery. And yes, there are always new faces.
And then, to my amazement there was the ultimate faux pas by Dr. Drew Pinski when he said on TMZ that Charlie Sheen is “right” about the 5% success rate of A.A. It’s true, not many people make it in A.A., but to hear Dr. Drew validate this fact by telling an out of control addict he is right, has a negative impact. Where does Dr. Drew send his patients after they leave the Pasadena Recovery Center? I respect Dr. Drew for his dedication to recovery, but in this case I don’t think the message he was sending was appropriate.
Most who walk through the doors of A.A. do not understand the meaning and lessons of the 12 Steps. I too have found them difficult to grasp, but after a while understood what they were designed to do. A.A. is not perfect. No recovery program is. Addiction is a very powerful thing, just ask the loved ones of those who have been through it. People are not perfect. So with a powerful force like addiction, and imperfect people, one is simply not going to find a perfect program. But, for those who work it, it does work, and it does work wonders--rather than listen to Charlie Sheen, or validate him, why not ask someone with, say, five or more years sobriety who has been through the program and does find it nothing less than a lifesaver?
A.A.’s message of recovery will live on and people will keep going back to A.A. to search for the self he or she wishes to reclaim. After all, it’s a personal journey. Yet, getting down on your knees and asking God to remove your shortcomings is not the kind of hope most seeking recovery are looking for. Admitting we are powerless over addiction and can no longer manage our lives is also something we are not comfortable with in early recovery. No one wants to be rendered “damaged goods”, useless or incomplete. Been there. Done that. - But we have to start somewhere if we want our life back and we must surrender at least the part of ourselves that we are fighting, the part that is destroying us with addiction. We must change our way of thinking; we have no choice if we want to live a long and healthy life.
Charlie Sheen is now burning his bridges in front of him, before he can cross them. The signs are not good for progress and the example he is setting for other young people is abominable. He is not alone in his pain, he chooses to be. He sees the world as he wants it to be and setting a good example seems to be a boring notion.
One thing is for sure, recovery is anything but boring and it can be as liberating as we want it to be. Hey, life’s what you make it! So what’s next for Charlie Sheen? Hopefully a brand new, healthy start that begins with an apology to his audience. An apology to those who are getting sober in A.A. and are holding on for dear life while struggling to make ends meet. A reality check on how many Americans who used to watch “Two and a Half Men” are frustrated because they can’t find work and have trouble putting food on the table while Charlie Sheen, a millionaire, is on the radio putting the less fortunate down. Most Americans who do have jobs would get fired if he or she acted out even one episode of trouble we’ve been hearing about from Charlie Sheen over the last ten years.
It’s time for an apology. It’s time to deal with the adversity and start clearing the path for a new and better life that is filled with good health and real independent self-love. Charlie Sheen, I wish you this the most as I do for every addict who has lost his or her way.
Alexandra Datig, Sober 12 Years
