15 Years Of Recovery In The Garden Beyond Right And Wrong

By Alexandra D. Datig

There is a saying in the world of recovery that goes, “An Alcoholic is a person who has lost his or her ability to perceive the difference between right and wrong.”  This brings me to a biopic about Princess Diana I saw a few days ago.  At the end of the movie, Diana’s heart surgeon-lover leaves her flowers at the gates of Buckingham Palace with a note that wishes her his final farewell.  A voiceover of Naomi Watts as Diana comes on and we hear her reciting the note with a poem by the Persian poet Rumi that says, “Somewhere beyond right and wrong there is a garden.  I will meet you there.”  The poem spoke to me deeply and I realized the garden of which Rumi’s poem spoke is the place I often find myself in recovery.  It is a magnificent place.

Today marks my 15^th year in recovery from an addiction that nearly took my life.  In this time I have been able to explore the truths about recovery, the benefits and rewards, the injustices, the myths and the mystery of my own place in a world that knows very little about long-term recovery.  In case you were wondering, I am glad to report that the fun does not end when you get sober.  Relationships and commitments last longer and friends stick around and have your back.   At work and in life you are counted on in ways you never knew before and it is true when they say that you are able to handle situations that used to baffle you with the grace of an adult.   What is more, you gain true knowledge and appreciation for those who love you and tried to love you when you could not and would not love yourself.    

For me, everything got better as long as I remembered that I alone am responsible for my recovery.   I have learned that I can push my boundaries and find where they end.   I have also learned that the only way to find out whether you have crossed the line is to actually cross it.   Sometimes it is quite fascinating what you can find on the other side. 

In my 15^th year in recovery I am going to mellow out a little.  I’m going to observe more, let my hair down, not take things too seriously and enjoy watching the flowers grow in the garden beyond right and wrong.

Happy New Year!