New Year’s Resolution: Stay sober and go where the love is

A special note to my readers: A great blessing, just in time for my 13th sober birthday which is on New Year's Eve. "Five Years From Now" recovery blog and website was covered on our nation's 6th largest radio show today; Bill Bennett's Morning in America, hosted by Mr. Bennett's Co-Host and my dear friend Seth Leibsohn. I am so very very honored to have been able to be a guest on this wonderful show. Here's the link for today's show.

Almost 13 years ago (It’ll be 13 years on New Year’s Eve), before I got sober, I struggled for years trying to see if people would accept me and love me as an addict. Couldn’t they see that I was still a “nice person” even though I used drugs? Couldn’t they accept me, hire me, be my friend, my neighbor, my teacher, a loving family member, even if I was on drugs? Why not? I kept asking myself, while looking in the mirror seeing a person I could hardly recognize. After all, I kept telling myself, I wasn’t really hurting anyone but myself? And I could manage that part…right? So I thought and thought so very wrong.

As the years in recovery go by I learned that when a member of the family is addicted to drugs the whole family is affected. When a student is on drugs the entire school develops a negative stigma. When a worker is under the influence of drugs or alcohol, he or she gets frowned upon and pushed out. Relationships suffer and get destroyed, promises are often broken and commitments turn into empty words. The addict becomes a victim of many crimes and also one who is not in good standing with the law. This is a very sad reality but it is reality and just like addiction, if we want to change this reality, we fist have to accept that this is reality. It’s not a matter of whether a drug is legal or illegal, all drugs should be controlled and bad drugs should be illegal. We can’t deny the fact that drug addiction destroys human health and wellbeing sometimes over time, sometimes right away and sometimes forever.

I wanted to go where the love is, yet I had no direction on where to find it. Why? Because I was trying to find love in others instead of myself! Duh! I would later learn in sobriety that love would only find me if I did the work I needed and took the time I needed to love myself. For me this was a very tall order because I wasted so much time drinking and using drugs that taking care of loving myself was the last thing on my mind.

In the journey of my recovery I have found that self-love is a series of daily adjustments. They start with putting my attitude in check and continue with making sure that I recognize the blessings of my environment and the people who try to help me. My blessings are my sobriety, good health, relationships and ability to better myself and become more productive as a contributing member of my community. I give back what I receive, directly or indirectly, in a big way or a small way with dignity. It is also my responsibility to make sure that I am perceived in a way that is healthy for me. To do this I choose to tell everyone in my life that I am sober. It works for me and has kept me sober for many years.

Those who freely make a difference for people in recovery are the most magnificent human beings in the world. These people do things for us recovering folks that at one time or another we truly cannot do for ourselves. Sometimes those people help us and become our friend for life. Other times they help us and are burdened by us, yet they still care enough to find empathy and compassion in their hearts to understand that without the help and understanding of others we remain lost in our pain. We must always remember that the people who help us deserve praise for their kindnesses, though near or far. We praise them each day by staying sober and show them that they are our heroes and cheerleaders. Today, I thank all my heroes and cheerleaders for leading me to my 13^th year in recovery. You are the true winners who shine a bright light on my path each day!

May good things come to you always!

Alexandra

Lindsay Lohan: Beautiful Woman, Extraordinary Talent, Horrific Personal Struggle

By Alexandra Datig

Lindsay Lohan grew up in the spotlight. From “Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen” to “Mean Girls” to “Chapter 27” Lindsay Lohan has made us all recognize that she has a will to succeed. But Lindsay has had struggles finding someone in her life who she could believe in that would show her good example. A conflict between parents, a teenage drinking problem, a series of drug arrests and courtroom drama that seems endless, has shown how Lindsay’s personal life is spiraling out of control.

At the age of 25, life begins to change for many young women. Lindsay has reached an age where she must recognize that she either grows up and begins to take responsibility for her life, or the heartbreak will keep on coming. In recovery it’s called “incomprehensible demoralization.” When Paris Hilton had all her troubles, she too was in her mid 20’s, though neither Paris nor Lindsay actually understand that younger women who plan to become “just like them” are idolizing and modeling their behavior.

We see Lindsay smoking just about everywhere she goes. We see her falling down and making a fool of herself and even more so we often see Lindsay alone. Yet we don’t ask her why she believes that her “I’m going to do what ever I want” attitude isn't hurting others. Still, Lindsay is pushing all the extremes. From breaking her probation, to being sent to the morgue, to a Marylyn Monroe-esque Playboy shoot, what are other young women and men supposed to make of Lindsay Lohan? Is she saying “look only at the part of me which is okay“, pointing to her outer undeniable beauty? But if we look at her behavior and her decisions over the last few years, it seems there are more reactions than actions to her life. This is a certain sign of unhappiness and a dangerous place for an addict.

Addiction is a complex and incredibly stressful thing, where the central nervous system’s ability to send a calming response to CNS receptors is impaired. While in it’s active state, addiction is a confrontational fiend. It is a disease of betrayal, provocation, hostile retaliation, of emotional highs and lows as well as a constant need to prove that “we are a better person than the rest of those who are watching.” Lindsay is portraying a type of martyrdom and quite frankly (and I never thought I’d say this), Playboy Magazine is doing far more for Lindsay than Lindsay is doing for Playboy. The images are certainly a step up from the blood dripping, knife wielding pics from earlier this year.

Lindsay is at a crossroads in her life and perhaps Playboy has put a fork in the road. Is she going to follow the path of Anna Nicole Smith, whose reactive, addictive life lead her to an early death? Or is Lindsay Lohan going to grow?

I for one just want to ask Lindsay to take the opportunity and think about other young women who are not riding high on fame but are going through similar problems as Lindsay’s run-ins with the law. We have heard Lindsay say for moths now, that she has to change and do more and learn form her mistakes. Woman to woman Lindsay, cause I've been there and done that, the world may seem like it revolves around you, but it does not. If you want to destroy your life, that is your business, but please, if you continue on your destructive path, get out of the spotlight because you are hurting the self-image of at-risk young women and men! It is time for you to see the writing on the wall. Do something good with your life and give yourself a chance and stop being so selfish.