Almost 13 years ago (It’ll be 13 years on New Year’s Eve), before I got sober, I struggled for years trying to see if people would accept me and love me as an addict. Couldn’t they see that I was still a “nice person” even though I used drugs? Couldn’t they accept me, hire me, be my friend, my neighbor, my teacher, a loving family member, even if I was on drugs? Why not? I kept asking myself, while looking in the mirror seeing a person I could hardly recognize. After all, I kept telling myself, I wasn’t really hurting anyone but myself? And I could manage that part…right? So I thought and thought so very wrong.
As the years in recovery go by I learned that when a member of the family is addicted to drugs the whole family is affected. When a student is on drugs the entire school develops a negative stigma. When a worker is under the influence of drugs or alcohol, he or she gets frowned upon and pushed out. Relationships suffer and get destroyed, promises are often broken and commitments turn into empty words. The addict becomes a victim of many crimes and also one who is not in good standing with the law. This is a very sad reality but it is reality and just like addiction, if we want to change this reality, we fist have to accept that this is reality. It’s not a matter of whether a drug is legal or illegal, all drugs should be controlled and bad drugs should be illegal. We can’t deny the fact that drug addiction destroys human health and wellbeing sometimes over time, sometimes right away and sometimes forever.
I wanted to go where the love is, yet I had no direction on where to find it. Why? Because I was trying to find love in others instead of myself! Duh! I would later learn in sobriety that love would only find me if I did the work I needed and took the time I needed to love myself. For me this was a very tall order because I wasted so much time drinking and using drugs that taking care of loving myself was the last thing on my mind.
In the journey of my recovery I have found that self-love is a series of daily adjustments. They start with putting my attitude in check and continue with making sure that I recognize the blessings of my environment and the people who try to help me. My blessings are my sobriety, good health, relationships and ability to better myself and become more productive as a contributing member of my community. I give back what I receive, directly or indirectly, in a big way or a small way with dignity. It is also my responsibility to make sure that I am perceived in a way that is healthy for me. To do this I choose to tell everyone in my life that I am sober. It works for me and has kept me sober for many years.
Those who freely make a difference for people in recovery are the most magnificent human beings in the world. These people do things for us recovering folks that at one time or another we truly cannot do for ourselves. Sometimes those people help us and become our friend for life. Other times they help us and are burdened by us, yet they still care enough to find empathy and compassion in their hearts to understand that without the help and understanding of others we remain lost in our pain. We must always remember that the people who help us deserve praise for their kindnesses, though near or far. We praise them each day by staying sober and show them that they are our heroes and cheerleaders. Today, I thank all my heroes and cheerleaders for leading me to my 13th year in recovery. You are the true winners who shine a bright light on my path each day!
Alexandra
